Reflection is great for the soul. As I prepared to write recently, I went through my older poems and general "letters" or notes. I’m amazed at a few things about myself:
1) My writing was incredibly raw, when I knew I would not perform it. My, my, my how far the pen has come! Just seeing where it all began, that let me know that I’ve gotten tremendously better at putting more of "me" on the paper. As a born introvert-turned PK-turned extrovert-turned artist, that’s something that’s been a process. I have to continually work to be transparent in my writings. God has made us creative enough that if we don’t want to say something, we don’t say it. We colorfully dance around it! 🙂 Some of my friends might be groaning inwardly recalling convos…. LOL. But the reality of this is, the core of what we’re supposed to say, to impact those around us, doesn’t get said. No one majors in mind-reading. Funny thing: People don’t believe I used to be an STRONG introvert. IT’S TRUE!! Reality is, everything is a choice. Everything we do, is a choice. So while it’s more natural now, to speak and interact and do, I had to start somewhere.
2) I love pictures. Seeing how many ways I held a moment and described something, I appreciated. I saw how that grew over the years. That picture way of writing, best gets at my poetic style. When I’m writing a song, I’m still finding what my "style" is. Which is funny because I’ve written so MANY songs. BUT the thing that we all have to remember is that, when God transitions us into our new man, while the talent may stay, the levels that he takes us to and through change who we are, all the way down to our very core. Let the ch’uch say AMEN! LOL. So while I may have had a way-with-the-pen while writing other music, writing gospel is truly inspired by God. If it’s not, then I’m not penning it. PERIOD. I’m not making up any revelations or attempting to talk about something that I haven’t seen or experienced.
3) I don’t write like I used to. Some days I would force myself to write. I can distinctly remember two severe periods of writers block. I actually shot my "book" in the garbage. Thanks to mD who fished it out for me. 🙂 . Now, I understand how my creativity moves, and when it’s moving, I move to a pen. 🙂 Whether it’s electric lines or actual pen and loose leaf — my preferred style of paper — I have to capture it then. Having more creative ways to get "out" what I’m thinking (blog, poetry, songs), I find that I write poems less. The experiences I’ve penned here on my blog have covered so many things though. So while I’m not putting down poems on paper, I cover so much ground when I do. I mean in this blog alone, I’ve talked about abuse, betrayal, dealing with difficult people, brokenness, Jesus, prophecy — so MUCH. And my poems are no different. It’s all relevant. Sometimes, having a topic helps me guide my thoughts; other times it’s boxy and gets in the way. So we just let the innermost parts speak on those days.
I hope that whatever is your "thing" you can see your growth in it. My choice to living life how it comes; developing, as God will shape me and, remembering haven’t always been "worth" it, at the moment. But who I am today, I wouldn’t trade me for the world. 🙂 Cheers to whatever you were doing before you read this. 🙂