This Time… It Hurt.

I promised that this was the year of "Larger"… the year of "Me." … Having done so much for others, I vowed that this year, would be different.

And although my proverbial paper is less than 24 inches from my heart, I feel like I’m gripping it with grease slick hands.

Slick and slipping.

A memory full of experiences leaves the little girl in me nodding at the life I’ve led. But this one thing has me sputtering. Coughing and I can’t quite seem to ease the feeling of a tickle that slowly begins to feel like my throat is closing on me.

And I can’t help but think back to the first time… I was across state lines. The assignee likely doesn’t remember this encounter with me. A fragile 15. There’s a lecture I sat in, where a parent said that it’s not fair that "kids" go off to college and are forced to make life decisions, when their maturity hasn’t quite gotten all the way there. How, if you choose the wrong major, the next phase of your life can be living hell. . . A soldier on the battlefield of life with the surprise aligned with the turn was really a land mine.

My tender eyes… saw an opportunity, and leapt to fill the void.

My greatest act of selflessness to date brought me center stage to a play I had no idea was in the works. My action cast me as leading actress. Forced to watch the script play out again and again. I’d become numb. Found ways to get around it, ignore it, avoid it… not watching it was not an option.

{Distance space time | emit ecaps ecnatsiD}

M

irror, mirror on the wall — at what point does skin become calloused? A hairline become a break? A strain a stress? A message a mess?

The walls of my heart are getting more stuccoed. Yet somehow, the rain still finds time to "shine" the paint. . . one click; keystrokes and it’s done. But this time; it hurt.

.realBAD.

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One thought on “This Time… It Hurt.

  1. You taught us earlier to shine in spite. What you are going through is a mountain, but never forget you are a diamond cut drill. Bore a hole through that sucker, and rest on the other side.

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