The truth about Friendship

As I look over people on facebook with lots of pictures of their friends in high school and large groups of friends, I’m always surprised by how a inner part of me feels sad.

It’s almost as though, unconsciously, I associate friendship with quantity, somewhere deep inside me. Or maybe I associate it with popularity. To have only a few friends, somewhere inside, means that I’m not loved, liked or appreciated. There is a part of me that, not only drunk the Kool-Aid, but actually believes the hype. The hype which says that you can have an intimate group of 20 friends, and all of you are equally tight. The hype that says, where you go, many can go – and that they will all be cheering and going with you.

Sadly, or maybe factually, life echos and reflects what science tells us. Science says that we can only remember 7-10 things in our short term memory, before we need to write it down. It also says that we don’t do as great a job as we believe, in our multi tasking. So logic would stand to reason that we can only maintain a few high quality relationships at a time as well? I’m talking about deep, meaningful relationships.

I have two friends from high school that I seriously keep in touch with. Like they KNOW me, know me. One of them almost doesn’t count because I’ve known them since I was in the 4th or 5th grade. I still remember when I first walked up to her house and she wasn’t home…the first time. But we were exactly alike. Youngest of all boys, tomboys…parents who seemed to favor the boys. We attended the same high school; had dreams of going to college out of the state. .. Then I chose to go in state to a different college. But by then, we were already thinking about what our next moves would be – motherhood is such an important calling, you can’t deny it once you’ve been “chose” *smile*.

From college, there again, are only a few people. I thought I would fare better, having learned some lessons. But life doesn’t prepare you for the unexpected. It only trains you to be better at dealing with it! My friends that I took from college period, weren’t ones that I had the fortune of studying with. Meaning, they were people I met in college, but not ones who went to my actual college. There is one or two cohorts that I still keep in touch with, and the sight always warms my heart in places I’m surprised by that still long for the familiarity of a face who “remembers when.” And that’s no diss to the people who are currently in my life or who have come into my life post epic changes…but… when people have seen you grow and walked with you through times — there’s special magic created in that.

I love the friends who I can say – I’ve known him/her since…. Hats off to my “lifers” (lol). We aren’t closing this chapter anytime soon… I look forward to experiences that will become memories. The memories that we already share and the inward smirk I have when I see just the few of us in a photo…

Just the few of us…

Life is grand when the few you carry, can ascend the top with you.

That’s the thing those people in the large circles don’t tell you… typically, most of those people are not equal. There are some stars, or, if they are equal, it’s equally average. I don’t have plans to be average. I think that planning and average are almost opposite…unless you’re terrible at planning. Lots of my dreams, I am on the way to living out. It’s just a matter of how many steps away from the destination I am.

And maybe that’s just it. I have dreams that I am walking out, and to get to them, there’s only a few spaces on the road. After all, who wants a mob walking with them to their dreams?


Friends, confidants, companions, dream supporters…. I love you all.


One thought on “The truth about Friendship

  1. Thanks for this definition and exposition of the essence of friendship….

    I laughed at most of the lines….especially the “mob walking” .lllooolll…

    Friendship is a beautiful thing. It speaks volume when it is agape love. Our deepest secrets and desires, we share with our friends…because we feel secure.

    I read a post recently about friends in comparison to cloths. There are some cloths you wear everyday – so much that you cant do without (pajamas, sweaters, etc), some to church/outings (demin jeans, suits etc) and some to HIGH PROFILE events (dinner gown from oscar dela renta etc). So also are friends…some we cant do with out (everyday wear), some, only for outings and some for those high profile societal events.

    But the truth of the matter is…the BEST memories and connections are best shared with the friends that fall into the pajamas/sweaters group.

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