Grace under fire

The Pressure Cooker

Lately, I’ve found myself scrambling to deal with situations that test my patience, grace, understanding (of concepts or other things), and ability to quickly diffuse situations. And lately, it’s been situations happening all around and over my life! [I haven’t written in a while so just walk with me…]

I’m not always successful. And depending how you measure it, I’m not even always on the good side of it – I don’t cause conflict, but I’m definitely not one who… put it like this, tactfully, you will know where my opinion sits about a topic. Do you ever feel like people listen to the negative voices that pull them through the day? And when they get wrung out from someone or something in one situation, they take that negative energy and then attempt to wring out the next person, to make themselves feel good. Energy isn’t created nor destroyed…just transferred right? And it’s as if every time something happens, you wish that they would see that God is sovereign and HAS given us enough to deal with what’s in front of us…

Life is hard. It pushes us into places that we never thought we would be. And as we grow up, hopefully physically and emotionally, we find ourselves facing mountains. It’s crazy how we feel that some people prosper and others are afflicted; how prayers for completeness, restoration, wholeness or change are met with silence. And I can see the strain on the faces & relationships of those around me. Grace, grace, grace, grace…and patience.

Pressure busts pipes…or creates something new

This season of my life…has pushed me into a zone of development that is higher than I’ve ever previously known. I’ve had people say things to me that, have broken my heart. Literally. Even thinking about those things now, brings tears to my eyes. And I wonder how people are able to be so grimy/mean/_____.

I sometimes feel like I am the force of normal, or the net to catch things when they fall. Not blowing up; just feeling like I’m forever the person who accepts crap and creates something better. Not the doormat, but, after all, if everyone throws their hands up, someone has to catch the paper that flies, or be the net. Or the situation just escalates and grows. And it’s trying. And it’s tiring to my physical body. And man…it requires faith. Cuz sometimes, the reality of the situations that cause the greatest pressure, don’t seem to have a finish line.

It is easy to envy the people who have thrown up their hands. No one wants to be the street sweeper..Why? Because you often feel like the bottom of the shoe. It is a position of strain.

But, great pressure brings out something in people. Even though I may feel like it’s the destroying pressure, obliterating everything, I see that it’s the pressure that presses coal. The pressure of the ocean that sits atop clams. The press of coal creates diamonds. The press of the ocean creates pearls. The pressure that presses the oil out of olive…Gethsemane, the place where Jesus took the disciples before he was betrayed, the bible says that he prayed so hard that he sweated blood. It was the place where olive oil was made. (Blood, oil … I’m loving where this is going..that’s another blog though!) The press of what he was about to do was so great that it caused him to not be destroyed, but squeezed enough for me to get some goodness from it.

Enough energy to run the race…

And you can feel like you’re surviving, unless you’re living with your eye on him. He’s afforded us the ability to talk with him, the great therapist. Mind easer. Tension fixer.

Some days I feel like I’m looking through glass because tears flow on the inside for the situations that I see happening to and around me.

But the grace he gives me to BE gracious…to BE remain faithful is so much larger than Me. T__Ali would’ve cracked a looong time ago, and definitely been really done with people. Truth is, I *have* gone into EPP with some people and situations (emotional protection program, LOL). And maybe that’s the survivalist coming out in me, but it’s the best way to deal with people and their “stuff.” Doesn’t mean I’m not walking away with some scars, but I know I can make it through this season; and I’m stronger…but I’m also protecting myself, by hiding myself in Him. The enemy can whisper lies and everyone involved can believe what he says about them and the situation, but… I’m golden…I’m God’s girl. And he’s got my back. He’s my lifeline.

So while I don’t know how situations are going to work out; how people are going to change; how relationships with improve… I trust him. And his word.

This faith thing is hard because it requires that I understand and then see the strands of steel that are a part of the fabric of my foundation in God. And since each of us has a part to play…I should cherish my role as a street sweeper and the one who’s always been “ok.”

Ending note: I have had my share of debilitating setbacks. Just like any other survivor of life’s crazy roller coaster. I guess the difference is I found the path to get back to *my* lane…cocky? Nah, just operating in the grace he’s given me to run my race. And I guess we’ve come full circle. Because of His example toward me, I can keep being and mirroring him, to others. Jesus give me strength! =)


2 thoughts on “Grace under fire

  1. Simply Inspiring. Missed your posts, and this post is the reason not only you are needed in my world, but in this World. Life gives you trash, and you find a way to recycle it and make it into a beautiful creation. Life throws you mud and you make pottery. Life flings dung at you and you make fuel. This has helped me today….. God has truly blessed you Tots!

  2. check her usage of her “energy”, just like you said……. then further on she says GOD and I will be fine…. I love it.

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