It’s no surprise that I have more blog ideas than I have time worth sharing. However, in honor of today’s holiday and as a treat to doing a wonderful meeting with a client who’s commissioned a new work about her mother, I have decided to write a blog that dictates the interesting turn that the meeting took. Somehow, we talked about her reconciliation that took place with her father. I’ve come to understand that my relationship with my father (the earthly one) is not what I’d like it to be. What I’m learning is that it doesn’t have to remain that way.
Despite my attempts — some best, some meager — the relationship with my Dad is not ideal. We have a civil relationship. One where we’re able to talk, but, not really able to make those deep connections. I don’t know really why or whatever. But as I write, I’m reminded that as a Christian, I’ve been given the ministry of reconciliation. And as a result, I have a charge to go and reconcile with him. (Although it’s not my fault — and that I wrote just for my human side). On days like this, where the rain pours long and I’ve been let down in life, God creates these divine moments. These are moments when I’m forced to take a long hard look at what’s truly beneath the surface. And in doing so, I often turn over a rock that I didn’t know was there. During my client meeting today, I found us talking about her Dad. Being sensitive to the Holy Spirit, I knew this wasn’t by chance.
She told me her pathway to reconciliation with her father and how hard it was. I then shared with her some of the attempts that I’ve made, and the ways that I was going to use some of her tools in my own situation. I was realistic about where I was with the whole thing. I gave myself credit for the hard work that I’ve done so far, but, I also have recognized that I’m at a point where I’m hands-off with the situation. I can’t go back in time and make him be there for those big moments in life. I can’t go back and recreate the small ones. All I can do is work from where I am. And this uphill climb, that I know too well, will hurt. I look at my heart, with respect to my dad’s role in my life/where we are, as cracked windshield glass. Something that hasn’t broken yet — but is totally fragile.
I’m being a little bit optimistic in my characterization. It’s been a hard situation. My heart has desired a lot. And as any human, my expectations have been unmet, destroyed or just ignored…(I don’t know which is most relevant so I’ve listed them all).
I’m not looking forward to this climb — so I’ve committed to prayer my attitude. I ask that God illuminate His will and desire. I also ask that God soften my father’s heart.
Man I’m so not looking forward to this! Lol. Moreover, I know it was God b/c we were here (my client and I) to talk about her mother. And her mother and father are not together, were never married and don’t even live in the same time zone (or state). But I thank God for the inflection time that I’ve had, I praise him for the use of His saints, and I look forward to the growth that will come as a result of this. To God, be the glory.
>> My heart is also with two other parents who lost a son in Nigeria. The Taiwo family, I continue to keep you in my prayers: that God flood your soul with peace, His comfort and love, and the ability to band together to be stronger and stronger in the knowledge of an ever working God. Rejoice that you will see him again when we get to glory. <<