“I want to take a moment, to reflect…I want to thank everyone who’s ever broke my heart, been too stupid enough to listen to sound advice (notice I did not say I was right, but sound advice is just that…sound!); or not been brave enough to take a risk with me. You’ve helped me to understand life from the negative side. And to everyone who’s loved me flaws and all, I appreciate you — your currency is where your heart is.”

Funny how sometimes we learn more from bad moments than we do from good ones. However, if we’re truly “on point” and growing like we should, while we live the bad moments, we look at the old good ones, and extract new information from them. I recall when I was going through a very dark time in my life. During my lowest moments, I thought on so many former positive experiences and found things that I’d forgotten. It made me appreciate the past, but also changed the way I saw myself and improved how I would view the future. When the future became the present, I paused within the moment to reflect and appreciate what was happening.

~*~* Changing Paces *~*~

The question that we answer, too quickly sometimes, is how has someone become worthy of information that we’re about to give them…information about our lives, our backgrounds, our passions and our dreams. This is not to say that you walk around like a pompous jerk, but, you should guard the information (dreams especially) in your heart, because not everyone is trustworthy (they don’t value what YOU value). If we were slow to speak, quick to listen, and truthful about what we see — we would gain insights and our actions based off of those insights would probably save us much heartache in the future. That’s what my goal is — to avoid the traps/pitfalls/foolishness that I so often seem to step in, by simply not being observant enough and real enough to NOT give people the benefit of the doubt. 🙂

Of course, I’m not talking about anyone in my life right now…everyone who’s been eliminated in 2010 sort of applies to most of the above. The one thing I’ve had to do, that has been really hard, is evaluating how to choose what to share and what to hold back and not share. It’s not about the actual information that makes the situation something to be strategic about; it’s about what and how the receiver USES the information. One example I like to use deals with the number of sexual partners. Often times, wo/men will use this number to place some sort of judgment on a person. But the question is, what does a number tell you? I would garner that a number doesn’t tell you anything. Let’s ask the real questions: Let’s trade “how many partners have you had” with “do you have any STDs?” (I argue that the number game doesn’t give you any information. It just leaves open space for you to judge the person. As a “goody” or a “naughty”). Let’s expand the question of “how many serious relationships have you had” to “do you feel like you still have soul ties with people?” And let’s drop arguments on “well it tells me that they were loose before me” to “who are they now, and do I feel like this is someone who I can support emotionally and help them grow, as they help me grow?” (Now obviously, this is rhetorical and only you know yourself BUT – sometimes I find myself looking at life as though I’ve done no wrong..and I’m just trying to get r-e-a-l.)

2011 *must* be about getting to the ROOT of the questions we are asking. Not simply about asking questions for the sake of asking. WHAT do we want to know, WHY do we want to know it (check your motives!!) and HOW will we use the information? If we aren’t going to use the information — guess what? You don’t need to know it. It’s just like not knowing — you weren’t going to use it anyway!!

I’m trying to apply this principle to ALL areas of my life. Maybe more people should too.

Excellent Living,


2 thoughts on “Reflections

  1. Response 1-
    “Some symbiotic relationships are obligate, meaning that both symbionts entirely depend on each other for survival.”-Anonymous.
    One of marine life’s common pictures is the clownfish and the sea anemone. The clownfish feeds off of the life threatening pests and microscopic lifeforms that live on the sea anemone. All the while, the sea anemone provides protection for the clownfish because of its paralyzing stings that will kill any other fish that touch it. The clownfish would normally be defenseless to the predators of their .All that to finally say this: And isn’t this the truth? Individuals who have ill motives, judgmental attitudes, hurtful agendas, all have one thing in common: they are just as vulnerable. They are the sea anemones without the symbiotic counterpoints, the clownfish. And even worse, they sting and try to kill the one who they need for survival, which ultimately becomes their demise….. but your liberation!!

    So, Kudos to you!! New symbiotic relationships abound. Kudos to you who is infinitely more valuable and treasured then a goofy fish, but as the one to was able get away and find out how to avoid those certain types of anemones in the future! As for them, their loss!!!

    Response 2-

    Your piece on being strategic on what info to share is DEEP. The analogy about how many partners vs. STD’s was well stated. Or # of Relationships vs. Soul Ties. The past staying there is desirable, but not when it is still controlling the present. Information….How people USE the info could be difficult to imagine. I think that is why so hard for us as people to be vulnerable…
    Sharing the secrets of our hearts can either be freeing(in the sense that it is off of our chests and that someone finally understands and still accepts us) or they could use it to judge us (Are you kidding me…How could you do that???? ). I think one of the answers is for the individual who is receiving the “secrets” needs to share information that is JUST as difficult. That way, both people not only know each other more intimately, experience healing, but now would think TWICE before trying to defame character… Why? Because they know my secrets TOO! Remember the “Why Did I Get Married” table scene, where everyone’s business is put out on the streets! We should all avoid that like the Plague!!!
    “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” Proverbs 4:23…
    Those who value what they have, guard it.
    Your post is amazingly rich… Sorry that I responded by equally blogging. I couldn’t help it this time…

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