Funny Is….

The thing I’m turning to, to sort through what I’m feeling….to stop my eyes from bleeding clear…is the same thing my grandmother loved to do. I just can’t stop thinking that she’s going to turn this around. It’s not time — it’s not time. But then there’s a part of me that tells me that I’m in denial.

Am I just blinded by hope, or, am I acknowledging that reality rules against me? Or do I not want my prototype (Peg 1) to be called home?

I do not know. *laughs* ahh.. It’s going to be a long week. And here I sat thinking that perhaps I was "doing" something by writing a book with her, or asking her to write a letter to the generations to come. I only wish that I got the recipes earlier…that I got the writing done…that she got to share in all the moments that haven’t happened yet — if his will *is* to call her home.

Then I begin to think about those moments, and realize that it can’t be done.. no matter what it looks like. Man, I feel SO conflicted.

In solitude, surrounded by people
I wish I could let my hair down…and I don’t want to go home..
But I don’t want to stay here.
I cough b/c I’m cold and I feel weird inside.
Sigh.
Then the peace comes and says why am I fighting.
Gideas doesn’t understand.
He’s never been through what I’m feeling, but empathises with my human emotion.

Ahhh! Lol. Peace flows like a flood right now.

Advertisements

One thought on “Funny Is….

  1. The conclusion is sweet. It is in our questioning and fighting that we show ourselves seeking Him. And when we seek Him, He makes himself known to us. No time is ever the right time. Remember? We were meant to be eternal. So the very conflict that you are feeling has no end at all because each side is right. Peace be with you in your spirit…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s